My focus this week has gone completely out of the window because I've been in audition limbo. It's a strange half world of possibility and imagination running riot and then reality crashing back in like the Roadrunner's Acme anvil falling on my head.

anvil

My local G&S Society has kicked off for the year again and we're doing The Gondoliers. In recent times I have spent more time back stage than on it as I have found that I get a real kick out of directing. Oh the power! The best thing about directing is that you don't have to audition. The last time I auditioned for anything was in 2000...ages ago! So I'm a bit out of practice but if I want to go back to showing off on stage it has to be done.

The bit I like best in the show cycle is when you hear what the show is going to be, and get the score and CD for the first time. Now you can work out who you fancy yourself as. At that point you can be the soprano ingenue, or the comedy mezzo turn, or the leather lunged alto and revel in the imaginary applause that is raining down upon your imaginary performance. :D At this point in the show there is no way that Lesley Garrett or Renee Fleming are going to get that part. It's yours to do with as you please. Your costume is lush and immensley flattering and every note soars from your mouth as though it has waited your whole life to be released...then you actually have to go and persuade somebody else that the role is yours. This is where it usually goes pear shaped.

renee

I don't know The Gondoliers. In my 15 years of G&S experience I have done the same 4 shows over and over again...Gondoliers isn't one of them. This meant a bit of research to see where I could fit in. I usually get the old lady or mentally ill person role which involves a couple of songs and a bit of shouting. As this was my first audition for grown up (ie not student) G&S I thought I'd go for the comedy love interest. I'm at least 10 years younger than most of the members so it was worth a shot. Things are still fun at this juncture because you get to show off in front of the mirror to convince yourself you are great. If you don't believe it then the Director and MD certainly won't. I learned the song as best as I could (not great at reading music. Rhythms are a nightmare!) and set about annoying the neighbours as I coaxed my underused voice back into shape.

I nailed the song (in my head anyway) and read through the lines and felt I was ready for battle. The next priority was the tactics of timing...when is it best to audition to make the most impact? With auditions over 2 days I know from being on the choosing side of the table that thing start a bit hazy while it's all new and exciting. If you go first you either stop the panel looking for anyone else for your part, or they'll forget you instantly. More likely the latter. So first is out. Last is also a gamble because they'll be bored by then and so you have to wow to make an impression. Somewhere in the middle, you could get lost in the maelstrom. First on the second day is good because they know what they are looking for by then but are coming to it fresh. So that was that sorted then.

Why then, did I go somewhere in the middle? The worst possible time to make any kind of impact? Not sure of the answer to that. I just psyched myself up and got on the bus without too much thought. In your head just now it is all still good. You can see the appreciative smiles of the panel and imagine them writing ticks and smiley faces on their comments sheet. This leads to the obvious image of a stage strewn with flowers as you give your deepest curtsey.

I love my brain sometimes:)

The pre audition reverie is broken by actually walking through the door to face a wall of people. There are always about half a dozen more people there than you expect but with the game face on there isn't a flicker. A touch of light banter breaks the ice and you're on. My director experience has helped me to know some defitinite audition no nos. Never excuse yourself because you have a cold, are tired or nervous. Directors don't care. You may be these things on performance night but have to ride it anyway. Also if youmake a mistake, don't pull a face and look at the accompanist as though they are from Mars.

Oh.

Yeah.

Don't do that Rae. Why did you just royally cock up that line that you told yourself you'd get right , then gurn, then glare at the pianist. DON'T DO THAT RAE!!!

Too late.

I recovered okay I think but went a bit mental and loud on the last note
(relief that it was over really). Moving on to the acting I made my second big mistake. I hadn't learned the speech. I've never done an audition before where you are expected to have learned the speech...but then I suppose most people in the Company have done Gondoliers 8 times before and know it off by heart. Oh well. I think I was quite sweet anyway and they laughed in the right places. So on the whole it could have been worse. I didn't fall over.

Unfortunately this is the WORST outcome for an audition. You have to leave the room either knowing that the part is yours, or knowing that you've made an arse of yourself. "It could have been worse" only leads to self inflicted mental torture.

The grand applause is still ringing in your ears but it alternates between being for you and for the person you perceive as your biggest rival. If you made a little mistake then maybe she made a slightly bigger one. You replay the mistake over and over, sometimes it gets worse, sometimes it never happened. All the time you still have hope niggling in the back of your mind, but also you start looking at the smaller parts to try to convince yourself that that was the one you wanted all along. You also converse with yourself on how great it is to be in the chorus with no pressure, much more fun than having to deal with learning lines. With all this going on in your head there really isn't any room for anything as mundane as life.

The shorter the period between the audition and the cast announcement the better. Time slows down to a crawl but you are buzzing too much to fill the time with sleep or work because every few minutes you've either got the part, or you haven't and all the parallel universes where all these things are true are unravelling around you.

So that's where I've been since Sunday. And I'm exhausted.

Oh. And I didn't get the part. I got one of the smaller chorus parts. 2 lines in all.

But that's okay, it's the part I really wanted all along;)